You should not be the weighted-average of people around you

This article might come across as a loose point of view on a serious subject about human psychology. Blame it on my lack of knowledge about the subject. I would appreciate any further inputs to better develop this piece.

One thing I have observed lately, thanks to digital media, is this tendency of people making an immense amount of effort to be seen around other people. This can be because of a genuine acquaintance between them. In case of both the parties being in good interaction terms (such as friendship, relationship, etc.), we would see them together socially without either forcing itself to be seen with the other. However in several cases I see one person trying hard to be seen with other people that he doesn’t share such relationship with.

One of the methods of inquiry into human psyche that I have learned is the one developed by Geert Hofstede. In this, one observes the symbols, rituals and role-models surrounding a person to gain a deeper understanding about him. In this case, a role model is not a single person that the subject looks up to. The role model in this case is the sum total of all those people that this person gets influenced by. Thus, we can assume that we are influenced by people in our surrounding, including those whom we consciously verbalize as our role-models along with others that we might not actually name as our role models.

The combination of these three factors is what defines our identity, says Hofstede. This is where argument lies. I am not saying that Hofstede is incorrect in his theory. What I am trying to say is that people don’t realize that they are being the weighted-average of others who are around them. While there might be merit in certain cases when they try and emulate others and inculcate characteristics like others, it is critical for them to find out who they are by themselves.

To give it a name, I would call it as 'unconscious borrowed identity'. Some might argue that why call it unconscious as the subject is actually making an effort to be with people around them and be like them consciously?

What I feel is that while the person might make an effort to spend a greater amount of time around people he wants to be inspired from, he is not always doing this with the intention of borrowing their identity. While he might feel that he is like them or could be like them, it is always in an external visible form that he wants to be seen or behave like others. A person would always feel that once he arrives as such position as others, he would be able to use his own identity for decision making.

Sadly, I feel that in the process, he becomes nothing else but the weighted-average of the people around him.

This is the reason for writing this article. I request people to look into themselves and check if they are themselves or just a reflection of others. There might be a lot of merit in understanding the reality behind this question. In case one manages to discover the true answer to this question, it could make a lot of things in life much simpler and better.

P.S.: Thanks to Puja Agarwal for pointing out that it should be ‘weighted-average’ and not ‘sum total’ or others around us.

Follow me on Twitter Rahul Chawra on Twitter

Even cynics Tab

The most difficult task for marketers is to convince the cynics. They usually avoid this step and move to the low hanging fruits instead. However, if one manages to convince the cynics the acid test is cleared.

Being naturally gifted with cynicism in abundance, I decided to test the Samsung Galaxy Tab 750s myself.

Unlike me, there are other kinds of cynics as well. Thus, the effort in this article is to run this product through this entire gamut and understand if even cynics Tab to the tunes of Samsung Galaxy Tab 750s.

My experiences and observations from this activity are as follows:

The first type in cynics is what I call as Truth-Deniers. For them, even Tide’s cleaning is not white enough, Mumbai locals are not crowded enough, Sony’s LCD Televisions are not flat enough, Amul Butter is not tasty enough, etc. They conveniently deny what others accept. If the world decides to stop at the red signal, they would want to walk. Even after their phone’s talk-time gets over, they would want to talk. If a contest were to decide who-is-the-greatest-cynic-of-them-all they would surely win.

Fortunately, this population is negligible in size as well as potential within the cynic universe. Their opinion on any matter is least important. Over a period of time, people realize that they need to believe the opposite of what this group suggests.

So, even if these cynics call the 750s as not good enough, we all know what the take-out should be.

Losers-of-all-hope is another variety; found in greater proportions as compared to the previous one. The word ‘hope’ got mistakenly deleted from their dictionary in school. When they grew up, even Google did not generate any search results when they would type this ‘hope’ as the keyword. According to them, nothing good can ever happen. There is no merit in making an attempt.

Their issue lies in their insulation from the world more than anything else. Since I know one such Gentleman, I decided to test things out myself. I showed him what the Samsung Galaxy Tab 750s was all about. Surprisingly, there was a momentary twinkle in his eyes before he went back into his shell of hopelessness. This change in expression, though for a brief moment, was enough for me to figure out what I had been looking for.

Another interesting lot within cynics is what I call as Screw-drivers. Found in decent numbers, they are driven by the desire to screw other people. They begin every sentence with a ‘But’, maintain a question-mark-expression forever and often end up displaying violent physical movements.

Maintaining a safe distance, I decided to begin a conversation with a female screw-driver. She said, “But it’s not slim enough”. I said it’s the slimmest. “But, it must be heavy”. I stated the fact once again. “But it definitely can’t be the fastest.” I held up a sheet of paper with evidence. Expectedly, what followed was an eruption. Since I was prepared, I made an exit at the right moment. Once again, I got what I was looking for.

A recently growing category of cynics is what I call Omni-Knowers. An encyclopaedia caught in human flesh. The truth however is that it’s only they who perceive themselves as such. Others don’t.

Their objective in life is to show that there is a little bit more that they always know. Whatever be the subject of discussion, whoever be the person during the argument, their knowledge and opinion is always marginally greater.

When I asked one such type if he knew about Samsung Galaxy Tab 750s, he said he did. The expression on his face showed otherwise. I was passing by after an hour when he stopped and asked me why I had disappeared in the middle of the discussion.

What followed was a long monologue about how the Samsung Tab was the best. I could make out that he had read up every single word from the website within that short period. He even used a couple of phrases from the promotion page while I happily giggled within.

The last type of cynics, according to me, is something that reflects my personality the most. I call this type as the Reason-to-believers. For people like us you need to substantiate your promises with valid reasons.

We are the types who end up suffering as well since advertisers keep feeding us with imaginary reasons to believe. If you tell me that a dandruff shampoo contains ZPTO formula, I would think of it as a wow and trust you. We keep sifting through loads of information to check if the claims are substantiated. We are the research types. We are the read-consumer-forum types.

I did my share of due diligence about Samsung Galaxy Tab 750s. Most of this analysis can be credited to fellow bloggers participating in this contest and who have painfully gathered all minute details.

At the end of it all, I feel convinced to own this Tab. What remains to be seen is whether I win it or buy it on the next increment.

Follow me on Twitter Rahul Chawra on Twitter

Void Moments

There are these moments of complete limbo which have increased in their occurrence lately. An effort to describe what I go through during such times would never provide a complete visualization to any other person. This is because my description emanates from my incomplete realization of the moment as it occurs. On every such instance, I am aware my being in it yet unaware of what I am going through. I guess I could describe it as a period of lack of complete awareness.

As I sit to write or rather meditate over it (post-occurrence), I am making an effort to arrive possible areas/ subjects which would have taken charge of my mind. Is it personal relationships which I am thinking over? Is it issues in my environment (immediate and distant) that worries me? Or is it a matter about existential questions? To be fair, I must confess that there are shades of grey that exist in each of these areas. However, how dark these shades colour my void moments and not the post-void-rationalization moments is the real question.

During a typical void moment, I tend to detract from everything, including thoughts about any of the above three scenarios. I don’t have a choice to physically distance myself and so I drift away mentally. While I am present, my mind is elsewhere. While I am listening, I am actually deaf. While I am seeing, I do not register. As I keep walking, I arrive back home without realizing or trying to get there. Guess the sub-conscious takes over and runs my functioning on an auto-pilot mode.

I am not irritated or worried with any burden. Nor do I make an effort to arrive at answers to questions that plague my senses at other times. These moments are certainly not about inquiry.

What does happen is: a manifold increase in my observation power. Things which are typically sheathed during the conscious observation process begin to show up. Yet, I see them only to see something else the very next moment. Without spending time over the discovery, I move on. Without making an effort in any particular direction, I ramble. Heading nowhere and being least worried about it.

As these events keep repeating, I feel that either causal theory doesn’t is incorrect or there is more to it which is beyond my comprehension and which only an external agent can analyse for me. Whatever be the case, I am never less surprised by the sheer lack of purpose of it.