You should not be the weighted-average of people around you

This article might come across as a loose point of view on a serious subject about human psychology. Blame it on my lack of knowledge about the subject. I would appreciate any further inputs to better develop this piece.

One thing I have observed lately, thanks to digital media, is this tendency of people making an immense amount of effort to be seen around other people. This can be because of a genuine acquaintance between them. In case of both the parties being in good interaction terms (such as friendship, relationship, etc.), we would see them together socially without either forcing itself to be seen with the other. However in several cases I see one person trying hard to be seen with other people that he doesn’t share such relationship with.

One of the methods of inquiry into human psyche that I have learned is the one developed by Geert Hofstede. In this, one observes the symbols, rituals and role-models surrounding a person to gain a deeper understanding about him. In this case, a role model is not a single person that the subject looks up to. The role model in this case is the sum total of all those people that this person gets influenced by. Thus, we can assume that we are influenced by people in our surrounding, including those whom we consciously verbalize as our role-models along with others that we might not actually name as our role models.

The combination of these three factors is what defines our identity, says Hofstede. This is where argument lies. I am not saying that Hofstede is incorrect in his theory. What I am trying to say is that people don’t realize that they are being the weighted-average of others who are around them. While there might be merit in certain cases when they try and emulate others and inculcate characteristics like others, it is critical for them to find out who they are by themselves.

To give it a name, I would call it as 'unconscious borrowed identity'. Some might argue that why call it unconscious as the subject is actually making an effort to be with people around them and be like them consciously?

What I feel is that while the person might make an effort to spend a greater amount of time around people he wants to be inspired from, he is not always doing this with the intention of borrowing their identity. While he might feel that he is like them or could be like them, it is always in an external visible form that he wants to be seen or behave like others. A person would always feel that once he arrives as such position as others, he would be able to use his own identity for decision making.

Sadly, I feel that in the process, he becomes nothing else but the weighted-average of the people around him.

This is the reason for writing this article. I request people to look into themselves and check if they are themselves or just a reflection of others. There might be a lot of merit in understanding the reality behind this question. In case one manages to discover the true answer to this question, it could make a lot of things in life much simpler and better.

P.S.: Thanks to Puja Agarwal for pointing out that it should be ‘weighted-average’ and not ‘sum total’ or others around us.

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