Void Moments

There are these moments of complete limbo which have increased in their occurrence lately. An effort to describe what I go through during such times would never provide a complete visualization to any other person. This is because my description emanates from my incomplete realization of the moment as it occurs. On every such instance, I am aware my being in it yet unaware of what I am going through. I guess I could describe it as a period of lack of complete awareness.

As I sit to write or rather meditate over it (post-occurrence), I am making an effort to arrive possible areas/ subjects which would have taken charge of my mind. Is it personal relationships which I am thinking over? Is it issues in my environment (immediate and distant) that worries me? Or is it a matter about existential questions? To be fair, I must confess that there are shades of grey that exist in each of these areas. However, how dark these shades colour my void moments and not the post-void-rationalization moments is the real question.

During a typical void moment, I tend to detract from everything, including thoughts about any of the above three scenarios. I don’t have a choice to physically distance myself and so I drift away mentally. While I am present, my mind is elsewhere. While I am listening, I am actually deaf. While I am seeing, I do not register. As I keep walking, I arrive back home without realizing or trying to get there. Guess the sub-conscious takes over and runs my functioning on an auto-pilot mode.

I am not irritated or worried with any burden. Nor do I make an effort to arrive at answers to questions that plague my senses at other times. These moments are certainly not about inquiry.

What does happen is: a manifold increase in my observation power. Things which are typically sheathed during the conscious observation process begin to show up. Yet, I see them only to see something else the very next moment. Without spending time over the discovery, I move on. Without making an effort in any particular direction, I ramble. Heading nowhere and being least worried about it.

As these events keep repeating, I feel that either causal theory doesn’t is incorrect or there is more to it which is beyond my comprehension and which only an external agent can analyse for me. Whatever be the case, I am never less surprised by the sheer lack of purpose of it.