To pee in my own personal pot

I did this last night when I finally had a pot I could call my own. It seemed like a significant progression in life as it had taken me 13 months of living in Singapore before I could rent a space I wouldn't need to share. Its amazing how life-stages can sometimes be measured using scales that are nowhere related to it.

It is also interesting how I ended up comparing an act with absolute meaninglessness as 'peeing' within a broader context of how the space you're able to rent out reflects on your life stage. While the former remains independant of all expernal factors, us associating it with the latter makes it a reason for meditation/ celebration (in my case). 

Visuals

Eyes were shut. The word 'mentally' passed by. I saw how the fourth finger pressed uncomfortably against the keyboard twice for 'll'. The point of view made my fingers look huge and the effort equally taxing. Almost feared a fracture of the bone.

Then the index finger followed to type the 'I'. The jump was uncomfortable. Like certain notes on the keyboard. Felt some familiarity.

'Intelligence' passed by next. The same feelings swept the mind. Found this word dirty. Always felt it was show off word. Type it, but never play it.

'Entally' passed by next. Was I looking for words rhyming? I wasn't. But they just kept occurring. The visual was of the yellow and red buses in Calcutta. Withy the name 'Entally' painted in red on all sides. Used to think of it as some downmarket place. And so I always wanted to visit it. I did perhaps. Don't think there is any place in Cal I didn't.

And rushes of walking along in search of meanings. Seemed so meaningful. Is so meaningless. Not really. Still breathes in some corner. Never to be lived again. Never want to. But they never die either.

Funerals. And Farewells.

The title describes it.

A closure ritual is necessary. The beating of chests, tears overflowing, acceptance of powers beyond, ceremony, etc. The body disappears. Memory remains. Longing and the love for the person stays back. Yet, something changes with the closure ritual. Acceptance maybe? Nothing changes, except the addition of an acceptance lens of looking at the same person.

Farewells with their overdose of emotions and revelations do the same. The closure unless done in the form of a closure doesn’t seem like an end. And hence, not like a start the next morning.

A closure ritual changes nothing yet changes everything deep within.